“MY JOURNEY :: MY RECOVERY :: MY LETTER TO MY SON”: A Meditation

 

I concede that the tagline for this blog. “MY JOURNEY :: MY RECOVERY :: MY LETTER TO MY SON”, didn’t involve a lot of thought. I concede that the tagline may be redundant. I concede that I viewed the journey, the recovery, as having a finite end. I concede that this blog has grown beyond my expectations. I concede that this blog has taught me a great deal, both about my illness and about myself.

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Image by Unsplash

I could have called this blog “My Letter to My Son”. After all I was writing first and foremost to him. Yet, I was also writing to myself. The writing was serving a therapeutic purpose, showing me my movement away from The Black.  So while I was satisfying my son’s need to see that I was getting better, I was also satisfying my need to grow. This latter purpose kept the blog very personal.

Another factor intruded. Initially, I gave no thought to the idea that others might view this blog. I felt safe in the vastness of the internet, anonymous. But they did, and they shaped how the blog evolved. What was initially a private letter, became public advocacy, another voice expressing the truth that silence is deadly, and speaking up can save your life. I firmly believe that it did mine.

So while this blog remains very personal, it’s also bigger than me, a circumstance I didn’t expect but one that I’ve grown to accept.

Just as I now accept that my recovery doesn’t have a finite end. There’s no definitive cure for Major Depressive Disorder, no magic pill that’ll make it go away. What I have are new tools that help me better cope with the predations of The Black. Recovery, therefore, isn’t about cure. Recovery is about better coping.

Just as the journey is about learning the tools, learning about the illness, learning about myself. The journey is the route to understanding. The recovery is about the application of understanding. Recovery is about applying the tools, managing the illness, bettering myself. What I once saw as redundancy has shown itself to be something quite different.

I didn’t put a lot of thought into the tagline. All I knew was that it felt right. I now know why. I now know that this blog truly is “MY JOURNEY :: MY RECOVERY :: MY LETTER TO MY SON”.

 

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