Today, I consider myself to be a very lucky man. I’ve had a great deal of good fortune and serendipity in pursuing my recovery including support from a variety of community resources, mental health campaigns being advertised on television at just the right moment, and the unwavering love of my son.
I’ve also had the privilege to write about my struggle for the past year on my blogs and on Twitter, and the opportunity to write guest pieces for other blog sites. This has led to the unexpected pleasure of hearing from readers who found something in my writing that touched them and, they tell me, helped them. I find myself experiencing a mix of humility and pride in achieving this.
Being proud of myself is an uncomfortable feeling for me. I still continue to experience the effects of years of self-loathing that were part of my depressive episodes. This means that any feeling of pride has a sense of being undeserving. Nonetheless, I’ve worked hard at my recovery, I’ve shared my efforts, and I’ve helped fellow sufferers. Feeling some pride in myself is, in light of these successes, deserving albeit uncomfortable.
I remain mindful that I didn’t accomplish these things on my own. I also remain mindful that recovery is precarious. If I fail to use the coping skills I’ve worked so hard to develop, there’s a real danger of sliding back into the despair that almost proved fatal.
Which brings me to the title of this post: Time for Change.
Until now, this blog has explored where I was and what I experienced, what Major Depressive Disorder is, and the tentative steps to recovery taken on September 3 and 4, 2014. It’s time to transition away from where I was to how I got to here. So, beginning with my next post, I will explore the coping tools I’ve learned, the specific influence of social supports, the results of my research, et cetera.
I’ll begin by discussing my Crisis Plan.
See you soon!