Key Successes

On September 3, 2014, I was faced with the unexpected – survival. Now I faced the daunting task of …

And that’s when the benefit of silence I experienced while in the emergency room of Stevenson Memorial Hospital made itself known.

 

Stevenson_Memorial_Hospital___Content.jpg
Stevenson Memorial Hospital

It was clear that I couldn’t recover my mental balance alone. All of the coping skills that I’d used thus far in life had failed. I needed to learn new skills, do things differently, or I’d be back where I was on September 2, 2014, alone and drifting into oblivion. I needed to change.That realization led to my first recovery success. I spoke to the hospital counselor, G. G., and admitted that I couldn’t be alone. Being alone would lead to death and I no longer wanted death. I wanted to heal. I wanted to survive.

That realization led to my first recovery success. I spoke to the hospital counselor, G. G., and admitted that I couldn’t be alone. Being alone would lead to death and I no longer wanted death. I wanted to heal. I wanted to survive.That realization led to my first recovery success. I spoke to the hospital counselor, G. G., and admitted that I couldn’t be alone. Being alone would lead to death and I no longer wanted death. I wanted to heal. I wanted to survive.

That realization led to my first recovery success. I spoke to the hospital counselor, G. G., and admitted that I couldn’t be alone. Being alone would lead to death and I no longer wanted death. I wanted to heal. I wanted to survive.

A second recovery success quickly followed. I spoke to my parents and made the same admission. I asked if they would give me a safe space, and time, to heal. To my great fortune, the opened their home to me and gave me that safety and that time. The healing began.

September 4, 2014, opened another door to recovery. I met, once again, the hospital counselor and asked if he could direct me to resources closer to my parents home. This request was my third success. G.G.’s answer led to my next successes. He gave me the name of the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) and a phone number for the office nearest to my parents. He also introduced me to a new word – Mindfulness – and taught me a mindful breathing exercise that I use to this day.

The phone number G. G. provided turned out to be incorrect (it was a fax number) but I didn’t allow myself to be waylaid. I had the name of the agency, knew the city where the office was located and knew it had a website. So I googled and found the correct telephone number. And I called the CMHA on September 5.

Even though the young woman I spoke to was compassionate, that initial call was disturbing. Apparently, my parents lived in a remote area of the jurisdiction of the local CMHA facility and I wouldn’t be able to see anyone for at least 4 to 6 weeks. But I stuck to my guns, telling the young lady I spoke with that I couldn’t wait that long and that I’d get to wherever I needed to be to see someone. A meeting was quickly arranged for a few days later.

During these intervening days, I researched. I visited the website, http://depressionhurts.ca, hosted by the Government of Canada and surfed to numerous other sites I wanted to try to determine what was wrong and what could be done to help. I wanted to be, needed to be, proactive. Movement kept the demons at bay, and they needed to be kept at bay until I had that meeting with CMHA.

I visited the website for Chapters to investigate this idea of Mindfulness and found a book, the Mindful Way Through Depression, that looked interesting. Saw I bought it and made immediate use of the included CD.

Finally I met with a representative of the CMHA and had my intake interview. I was treated with a level of compassion and kindness that had been alien to me for a very long time. That intake worker, K. S., treated me as being worthy of help. And that idea took root and a sense of self-worth, very fragile at first, grew.

And I continued to heal.

These successes may seem trivial. But for someone who was unable to leave his apartment for food they were HUGE; for someone who had not been compassionate with himself, they were HUGE; for someone who had no sense of self-worth, they were HUGE. These successes ARE HUGE, and they jump-started the recovery that continues to this day.

On September 3, 2015, I was faced with the unexpected and the unknown. To my credit, I seized the opportunity that was present and found a way to allow myself to heal. And that was the right thing to do because I AM WORTHY.

 

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2 thoughts on “Key Successes

  1. Thanks again john, I am getting to know my problems because I see some of me in what you write.
    You are so inteligent. I am happy you are still hear with us.
    Monique

    Like

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